The Royal Wedding and marrying your type

As a matchmaker, I always talk to people about their types and preferences, look at their dating history, what usually catches their eye, and what is it that captures their heart.

What catches the eye is important, but it’s the qualities in a person, that really captures your heart.

Like the way they love animals, or the kindness they show to the homeless person on the street, the way they hold your hair back after a drunken night or bring you tea and toast. It’s the little things in a relationship that ultimately go a long way, and a person’s character, that you really grow to appreciate beyond the initial physical attraction.

Everyone is talking about the Royal wedding, taking place this weekend, and all eyes will be on the beautiful bride, Mixed race actress Meghan Markle.

But would have people betted on Harry marrying a mixed race, American, divorcee?

On paper, it probably doesn’t sound like a match.

Most would assume looking at his dating history, he would have ended up marrying an English, blonde, Oxford/Cambridge/Eton educated, unmarried woman.

 

If Harry had gone on a dating site, he himself would have probably put certain filters in place, meaning he probably would have never got to meet Meghan.

But they were introduced by a friend, who thought they would click, and sure enough they did!

 

Now friends are not always the best matchmakers, often they think because they know two single friends, that is enough reason to make the introduction.

As if being single is a stigma and they just want to see you in a relationship, as if you don’t even meet any other single people.

 

But meeting through someone else is a great way to meet, as you’re not just meeting a random stranger off the street, you’re meeting someone who someone else has vouched for. Meaning they are likely to be of good character. The only thing friends cannot tell is whether you will have that chemistry.

If I were to have matchmade Harry, I wouldn’t have just shown him pretty blondes, I would have introduced him to a blonde or brunette, with a pretty face, a good sense of what goes on in the world, someone who doesn’t take herself too seriously, laid back, keeps calm under pressure, smart, switched on, and a little bit of feistiness about her, I get the impression he likes a woman that can put him in his place a bit when he’s been a little too cheeky! And a jolly good sense of humour.

I’ve never met either of them, but I get that impression from Meghan and can see that cheeky glint in both their eyes.

I just hope the paps will leave them to enjoy as normal lives as possible.

And to all the frizzy hair girls out there like me, here’s proof that you don’t have to have long blonde flowing hair, to find your prince! 

Are you prepared for marriage?

Ever since we were children, we’ve all probably had the same dream of growing up, getting married and having a house and a family.

However, the image in our minds is more surrounding the actual wedding day itself. The most perfect, best day of your life where friends and family are gathered together to celebrate your union of love, eating, drinking, laughing and dancing. All eyes are on the beaming beautiful bride, whose family are full of pride!

But beyond that day, what does marriage really have in store?

What are the expectations we have built around the concept? As with divorce rates so high in western society, it poses the question are the majority of people who choose to enter into marriage really prepared for what it really entails?

Do we today have the integrity, to stick with marriage according to the vowels of ‘till death do us part, for better for worse?’

I have met the countless number of men whose partners have left them, simply because they weren’t ready to get married, although they made it clear it was something they were aiming for in the future. However, they felt they had other goals to achieve first, mainly surrounding financial and career goals that a man would feel comfortable enough to take on the title of married man and provider.

However, women don’t seem to have the same outlook when it comes to when they feel they are ready to get married. Regardless of career or financial status, they feel being married gives them a sense of stability and security. Women as young as their early 20’s are keen to take that step when they have committed what they consider a considerable amount of time in the relationship.

This seems to be one of the fundamental differences between men and women.

Timing.

For women the clock seems to be always ticking, they have a limit of time to enjoy the beauty of their youth, and a limit of time on their fertility.

With men appearing to become more handsome with age and being able to produce children much later in life the time pressure isn’t so pressing.

With time pressure being a factor along with social pressures, I.e. family and friends all getting married off ‘always the bridesmaid never the bride’. It seems apparent that many are in fact marrying for convenience rather than marrying for commitment.

That being said, men feel the pressure to propose or their ability to commit is questioned. With the option of divorce on the table for many, then does marriage really equate to a sign of commitment?

Financial commitment indeed, with the average wedding in the UK costing £28,000, but with 42% of marriages in the UK ending in divorce courts. It seems apparent that almost half the amount of people who enter into marriage are not prepared to commit for life.

Most are marrying during the honeymoon stage when actually being married for life means choosing to love someone even when they are hard to love.

The skills required to make a marriage work takes more than a grand day, a contract, physical attraction, and having been together for more than 6 months.

A marriage requires practicing patience, tolerance, forgiveness, understanding, having the ability to communicate and convey your thoughts and feelings effectively, listening, talking openly, showing, giving respect and affection. Supporting each other during difficult times, being able to lean on each other during loss, and motivate each other through wins. Laughing together, crying together. Yes! It may also include picking up dirty socks and pants. Even putting up with sometimes interfering relatives. 

If you’re not ready for all of that, then use that £28,000 or more and see more of the world, invest in property, or throw a huge party for all your loved ones. Sure, they’d sooner see you stay single than go through the heartache of divorce.  

As part of the service we offer at Match Me Cupid we really take time to get to know each individuals relationship strengths and weaknesses, and offer feedback following dates, check in once your matched to help you get through initial hurdles, and offer coaching guidance, to help you on your journey to being ready for the ultimate relationship of your lifetime, one that lasts the test of time.

Easter, a time for new beginnings

Whether you are religious or not, Easter sets a reminder to us all that we have the chance to start new beginnings. 

Aside from consuming lots of Chocolate, there is food for thought for us all when it comes to Easter time as essentially Easter largely represents rebirth.

We can choose to start again anytime we choose.

We don't need to wait for a new year, a new week or month. Change can occur in just a moment, simply a shift in thought, and perspective.

Since becoming a Mother in November, I have the pleasure each day in watching this beautiful child grow. Each little development she makes, from turning over, her giggles or new sounds is fascinating to me, and as her parents, myself and her Father closely watch her development, and beam with pride at every milestone. 

I meet people all the time, who sometimes are hard on themselves as they feel they have grown up, reached a certain age and not achieved what they wish to have achieved yet. 

Whether that's they are not in a relationship yet, or have got married, had children, earning enough etc.

While not acknowledging where they have grown. 

Growth can come simply, such as an intellectually stimulating conversation with a stranger, or through studying a new subject, learning a new language and travelling to a new place.

As my father has always told me, don't worry if you're not the finished product yet, you are supposed to continually evolve.

Your identity is not tied to a job, a relationship, or your financial status.

You are here to grow. 

And any given moment that you give yourself permission, you can begin the process of change, and evolve, creating the life that you, as the artist of your life has imagined for yourself. 

Step out of your comfort zone, open your arms and embrace the new beginnings that await you. 

And if you wish today eat lots of chocolate, the diet can start again tomorrow.

Siobhan

x

 

 

SIOBHAN COPLANDComment