Are you prepared for marriage?

Ever since we were children, we’ve all probably had the same dream of growing up, getting married and having a house and a family.

However, the image in our minds is more surrounding the actual wedding day itself. The most perfect, best day of your life where friends and family are gathered together to celebrate your union of love, eating, drinking, laughing and dancing. All eyes are on the beaming beautiful bride, whose family are full of pride!

But beyond that day, what does marriage really have in store?

What are the expectations we have built around the concept? As with divorce rates so high in western society, it poses the question are the majority of people who choose to enter into marriage really prepared for what it really entails?

Do we today have the integrity, to stick with marriage according to the vowels of ‘till death do us part, for better for worse?’

I have met the countless number of men whose partners have left them, simply because they weren’t ready to get married, although they made it clear it was something they were aiming for in the future. However, they felt they had other goals to achieve first, mainly surrounding financial and career goals that a man would feel comfortable enough to take on the title of married man and provider.

However, women don’t seem to have the same outlook when it comes to when they feel they are ready to get married. Regardless of career or financial status, they feel being married gives them a sense of stability and security. Women as young as their early 20’s are keen to take that step when they have committed what they consider a considerable amount of time in the relationship.

This seems to be one of the fundamental differences between men and women.

Timing.

For women the clock seems to be always ticking, they have a limit of time to enjoy the beauty of their youth, and a limit of time on their fertility.

With men appearing to become more handsome with age and being able to produce children much later in life the time pressure isn’t so pressing.

With time pressure being a factor along with social pressures, I.e. family and friends all getting married off ‘always the bridesmaid never the bride’. It seems apparent that many are in fact marrying for convenience rather than marrying for commitment.

That being said, men feel the pressure to propose or their ability to commit is questioned. With the option of divorce on the table for many, then does marriage really equate to a sign of commitment?

Financial commitment indeed, with the average wedding in the UK costing £28,000, but with 42% of marriages in the UK ending in divorce courts. It seems apparent that almost half the amount of people who enter into marriage are not prepared to commit for life.

Most are marrying during the honeymoon stage when actually being married for life means choosing to love someone even when they are hard to love.

The skills required to make a marriage work takes more than a grand day, a contract, physical attraction, and having been together for more than 6 months.

A marriage requires practicing patience, tolerance, forgiveness, understanding, having the ability to communicate and convey your thoughts and feelings effectively, listening, talking openly, showing, giving respect and affection. Supporting each other during difficult times, being able to lean on each other during loss, and motivate each other through wins. Laughing together, crying together. Yes! It may also include picking up dirty socks and pants. Even putting up with sometimes interfering relatives. 

If you’re not ready for all of that, then use that £28,000 or more and see more of the world, invest in property, or throw a huge party for all your loved ones. Sure, they’d sooner see you stay single than go through the heartache of divorce.  

As part of the service we offer at Match Me Cupid we really take time to get to know each individuals relationship strengths and weaknesses, and offer feedback following dates, check in once your matched to help you get through initial hurdles, and offer coaching guidance, to help you on your journey to being ready for the ultimate relationship of your lifetime, one that lasts the test of time.

Easter, a time for new beginnings

Whether you are religious or not, Easter sets a reminder to us all that we have the chance to start new beginnings. 

Aside from consuming lots of Chocolate, there is food for thought for us all when it comes to Easter time as essentially Easter largely represents rebirth.

We can choose to start again anytime we choose.

We don't need to wait for a new year, a new week or month. Change can occur in just a moment, simply a shift in thought, and perspective.

Since becoming a Mother in November, I have the pleasure each day in watching this beautiful child grow. Each little development she makes, from turning over, her giggles or new sounds is fascinating to me, and as her parents, myself and her Father closely watch her development, and beam with pride at every milestone. 

I meet people all the time, who sometimes are hard on themselves as they feel they have grown up, reached a certain age and not achieved what they wish to have achieved yet. 

Whether that's they are not in a relationship yet, or have got married, had children, earning enough etc.

While not acknowledging where they have grown. 

Growth can come simply, such as an intellectually stimulating conversation with a stranger, or through studying a new subject, learning a new language and travelling to a new place.

As my father has always told me, don't worry if you're not the finished product yet, you are supposed to continually evolve.

Your identity is not tied to a job, a relationship, or your financial status.

You are here to grow. 

And any given moment that you give yourself permission, you can begin the process of change, and evolve, creating the life that you, as the artist of your life has imagined for yourself. 

Step out of your comfort zone, open your arms and embrace the new beginnings that await you. 

And if you wish today eat lots of chocolate, the diet can start again tomorrow.

Siobhan

x

 

 

SIOBHAN COPLANDComment
First date nerves

It's natural to be nervous about meeting someone for the first time, especially for a first date. You may not have been on a date for a while, you may have previously been in a long term relationship, life commitments or career goals may have pushed back the priority of dating. Let's face it, dating can sometimes feel very daunting!

Dating is almost like an interview and you are the interviewee! Getting to know someone for the first time involves questions; finding out about this person, who they are, what their interests are, what elements determine that you both 'click'? You almost feel like you are put on a pedestal to be judged. All you have to do is remember that the person you are going on a date with, is probably, (definitely) feeling the same!  

Getting ready is generally where the nerves start to kick in, all of a sudden making you question aspects of who you are as an individual, wondering the whole time ... "will they like me?". Everyone wants to be accepted,  it's human nature to want to feel wanted. Even if you're the most confident person in the world, a little nerve will tickle that confidence, but that's ok.

 

here are a handful of super-human people on our planet that don't let other people's opinions and judgement effect them. They are who they are, and if others don't accept them, they move on, so high five to them! But the majority of us do let other people's opinions get the better of us and its only natural. The easiest thing to do in life is just be you, as you are. You were born you, not Susan or John down the road, so be confident in yourself. 

Get ready for a date the same way you would if you were meeting your friends. You don't have to put huge pressure on yourself. Most people fall into a sense of feeling like they have to change, or improve who they are. This is not the case.  

First of all, buy or wear something that makes you feel good, something that makes you feel comfortable being you. Try lots of outfits, get an idea of what looks good and what makes you feel great. Clothes are an excellent way to express your personality and who you are. If you feel good, your confidence level will rocket.

While you get ready, pour yourself a glass of wine, listen to music that makes you feel good, music that lifts your mood. It's an instant way to relax and help you prepare for your date.

One thing that may have you feeling anxious is ... "will the conversation flow?" Maybe think of a few topics to discus beforehand, it's always good to have something as a back up if an awkward moment of silence pops up. Holidays? Pets? Family? Interests? anything is better than silence!

 

Experts out there will all say the same thing, 'confidence is one the most attractive quality in a person'. If you are confident in yourself, if you feel good about yourself, it really shows and the nerves will settle. There are lots of tips and tricks out there to help you gain more confidence and to help suppress those dating nerves, but here at Catch Me Cupid, we help build that confidence for you. 

Lastly, just remember that the whole time you're getting ready for your date, there's someone else getting ready for it too, with the same thoughts and questions running through their mind. Be optimistic and feel excited, because this is exciting and could be the start of an amazing relationship!

Teresa MasciaComment