Ever since we were children, we’ve all probably had the same dream of growing up, getting married and having a house and a family.
However, the image in our minds is more surrounding the actual wedding day itself. The most perfect, best day of your life where friends and family are gathered together to celebrate your union of love, eating, drinking, laughing and dancing. All eyes are on the beaming beautiful bride, whose family are full of pride!
But beyond that day, what does marriage really have in store?
What are the expectations we have built around the concept? As with divorce rates so high in western society, it poses the question are the majority of people who choose to enter into marriage really prepared for what it really entails?
Do we today have the integrity, to stick with marriage according to the vowels of ‘till death do us part, for better for worse?’
I have met the countless number of men whose partners have left them, simply because they weren’t ready to get married, although they made it clear it was something they were aiming for in the future. However, they felt they had other goals to achieve first, mainly surrounding financial and career goals that a man would feel comfortable enough to take on the title of married man and provider.
However, women don’t seem to have the same outlook when it comes to when they feel they are ready to get married. Regardless of career or financial status, they feel being married gives them a sense of stability and security. Women as young as their early 20’s are keen to take that step when they have committed what they consider a considerable amount of time in the relationship.
This seems to be one of the fundamental differences between men and women.
For women the clock seems to be always ticking, they have a limit of time to enjoy the beauty of their youth, and a limit of time on their fertility.
With men appearing to become more handsome with age and being able to produce children much later in life the time pressure isn’t so pressing.
With time pressure being a factor along with social pressures, I.e. family and friends all getting married off ‘always the bridesmaid never the bride’. It seems apparent that many are in fact marrying for convenience rather than marrying for commitment.
That being said, men feel the pressure to propose or their ability to commit is questioned. With the option of divorce on the table for many, then does marriage really equate to a sign of commitment?
Financial commitment indeed, with the average wedding in the UK costing £28,000, but with 42% of marriages in the UK ending in divorce courts. It seems apparent that almost half the amount of people who enter into marriage are not prepared to commit for life.
Most are marrying during the honeymoon stage when actually being married for life means choosing to love someone even when they are hard to love.
The skills required to make a marriage work takes more than a grand day, a contract, physical attraction, and having been together for more than 6 months.
A marriage requires practicing patience, tolerance, forgiveness, understanding, having the ability to communicate and convey your thoughts and feelings effectively, listening, talking openly, showing, giving respect and affection. Supporting each other during difficult times, being able to lean on each other during loss, and motivate each other through wins. Laughing together, crying together. Yes! It may also include picking up dirty socks and pants. Even putting up with sometimes interfering relatives.
If you’re not ready for all of that, then use that £28,000 or more and see more of the world, invest in property, or throw a huge party for all your loved ones. Sure, they’d sooner see you stay single than go through the heartache of divorce.
As part of the service we offer at Match Me Cupid we really take time to get to know each individuals relationship strengths and weaknesses, and offer feedback following dates, check in once your matched to help you get through initial hurdles, and offer coaching guidance, to help you on your journey to being ready for the ultimate relationship of your lifetime, one that lasts the test of time.